I HAVE WRECKED MY FUTURE AND AM SCREAMING TO KEEP FROM STABBING MY EYES OUT » yes, absolutely. totes.
The most money i ever made was just as/after I came out, but was still working closeted, because I was just reaching the apex of my career as a freelance/consulting copy-editor and UX designer when i realized I was a girl. So like, just after that while I was working remote as my fake ‘boy’ ID i was making like over $100 an hour sitting in my room in panties and a bra being like ‘how long can i keep doing this’ and then driving into town and tutoring a rich highschool boy for like $40 an hour with a sports bra as a binder being like ‘I am so obviously a dyke, I am not fooling anyone”. Then the first/only job I got/have held since I came out was as a server in a restaurant that I ONLY got bc my friend owns the whop, and I got paid like $7.50? $9.50? iirc? and totally killed it in tips cause I have insane social skills and am a shameless flirt. But now I’m in one big city where I am nobody and I’m realizing that I am maybe unemployable as a very visibly trans woman. Like, that’s fucking scary.
I am acutely aware that listening to a trans-masculine person talk about their terrible burden may result in reflexive extreme eye-rolling that may give you a terrible headache, and I want to thank you for running that risk.
I mean kinda. Like, I think you know that I see you and I love you very, very dearly. Also, tbh, there are a lot of people of whom I can (naively) say “I wish I had yr problems”. But that’s shitty and not really true and like, that is not me being my best self. There’s also the thing where I had more than a little to do with yr coming out and so I (probably foolishly but idk maybe not) feel some sense of responsibility/guilt about what you have gone through or are going through or will go through or w/e. idk.
I don’t know how much I made last year. I worked more-or-less fulltime at the restaurant til I left for Canada in May but in like February they fucked me over by transferring me from the location I was managing (where i was third in seniority) to a new location where I was basically shit-girl, gettting paid like $2.50 an hour? which is real servers wages? Idk they fucked me incredibly hard is the point, so I moved here basically already broke. What’s for sure is that I’m well below the poverty line.
Right now I’m living on unemployment. I need to get disability because I am in fact unable to work, my mental illness is seriously out of control plus no one wants to hire a trans woman. But right now I have $626 a month. Rent is $425 so I’ve got $201 to cover bills, groceries, transit, and whatever else. That’s very not enough. Disability would be also be very much not enough but it would be more. Mayyybe livable.
Also I own practically nothing? and have basically no assets. I want to do a net-worth calculation here at some point but I’m definitely net-negative. I own an iPhone and an iPad but not a computer. I own a pair of Docs, a pair of warm boots, and a pair of sneakers. I own one coat and a few light jackets. I own a crappy bed and mattress and a bed-side table and a lamp. That’s… pretty much it. No bike or other vehicle. Nothing of value. It’s rough. I owe about $4k to banks and friends and family? I have less than $100 in the bank? and my $1k credit card is maxed out. My family is poor and I’ve borrowed all I can from everyone I know. I’m verrrry quickly comin up on a point where i will have no money to buy food and no one to ask for help. It’s scary as shit.
I hope yr well, plz lemme know whats up and if you’ve chosen a nom. nom nom. I love you dude.